I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
