this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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