would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
