I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
