I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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