I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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