i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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