I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
