Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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