Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
