Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
