Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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