Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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