I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
