im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
