You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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