i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
