Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
