Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
COCAINE IS GR8
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
