Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
