we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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