I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
