dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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