grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
