You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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