I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
