Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
