Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
