the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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