I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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