dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
