Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
