he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
