My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
