there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
