I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
