apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
that's an acceptable place to lick
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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