Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
