i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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