i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
