Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
