found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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