is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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