Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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