remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
