the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
