Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my being single is dangerous.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
