is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
