Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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