Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
