Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
