Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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