it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
